lindorm: (Default)
My schedule is bonkers! I maybe need to re-evaluate my gaming availability. There's so much going on. Working full-time and trying to keep up with commissions, I'm sure glad I brought on another painter. Hopefully with her help we can churn out the commissions and make this a real studio project.

I like the idea of working with SiSi. She wants to help me get my website built, which I'm thrilled about. So I'm considering what I need to do next, and I need to take another good, hard look at writing out my business plan. I've got another ally who's willing to help me with that.

I don't have a lot of time for social media. As a matter of fact, the little bit of time I do have I should be spending on my own page for my business.

I'm still enjoying the day job, and I think I'm getting the hang of it.

Alright, it's bed time.
lindorm: (Default)
Life has been really busy. This new full-time job on top of life and still trying to maintain my painting business, wow. It's a lot going on, but I feel like this is really good for me. I am practically forced into a routine at this point!

I'm liking the new job. The co-workers are pretty chill so far. I know it's still the start of it all, but I feel like I'm retaining what I'm learning and showing that I'm not afraid to work and work hard.

I don't know how much I'll be able to dedicate in writing my journal. I'm going to try and remember to do so.

I have decided that this year I will continue learning Mandarin. I'm going to set Welsh aside, but the plan is that next year I intend to re-start my Bardic with OBOD and at that time I will begin a new journal that will be written in at least once a week to coincide with the lessons.

This year I want to focus on financial security for my family and I.
lindorm: (Default)
I haven't received a job offer yet, but I do have an interview tomorrow for an insides sales position. I'd like to land that job if I can. Pay seems right, it's close, regular day job with weekends off, and bennies after 3 months.

I have had a lot to think about in the last while. I haven't written like I should and I haven't followed a routine. Not well at least. Other than the keto/intermittent fasting I'm attempting to lose some of this weight. I feel that I have been doing well and staying within my feeding times and making sure to take in less than 50g of carbs a day. It's hard, but it's doable.

My therapist had me think about my rejection and where that comes from. Well, that didn't take long, that comes from my dysfunctional relationship with my biological father whom is neither at this time nor in the near future a part of my life. His grandchildren do not know him and won't know him until something significantly changes. So, daddy issues? Sure. But not necessarily in the way one might think.

I've come to understand that I am terrified of becoming my father. Why is this? I'm currently only a part-time parent to my daughter, my first child, and I don't want to do that with my son. I can't. I know that I've done well by daughter and I feel like I'd do well by my son... but that's not what I want, because it means I wouldn't have my partner. I'm afraid that I would fall into a very self-destructive pattern and become more and more like him. Why is this on my mind? Because I've this thought that I hate myself. I hate my loss of identity, my loss of faith. I hate what I have become. Why am I this? I place the blame on others... but that's not right. It's on me. This is my ego, and my journey. I just need to find that truth.

To love myself would be to lose my love, my wife, partner, and best friend. To love what I once was, to nourish and rebuild that, I would not have her. If you can't love yourself, how can you love others?

Well, I think I know how I want to proceed. I want to mourn the loss of identity, the loss of my faith. I want to focus on who I am becoming and who I need to be for my partner and my children. I want to learn to love that version of myself. I want to commit to that course of action, because any other course means losing what I do love. In time, perhaps I can rebuild my faith and reworking my world view of certain aspects.

This has taken a few days to process and come to this understanding of what I want and the direction I want to go, but it was worth it, because I feel better, not nearly as lost or hopeless. There's work to be done and I'm prepared to do it.

It's going to be OK.

Ketosis

Mar. 27th, 2019 12:44 pm
lindorm: (Default)
Yup, trying that. I've several friends who have had some amazing success on such a program and I've decided I'm going to do it too. Don't worry, I'm eating lots of veggies. I'm back to drinking water or the carbonated water. That with intermittent fasting. There's an 8 our window I can eat in. For 16 hours out of the day I only take in water. I do have 1 cheat and carb-reup day. Saturdays. I'll allow myself to indulge in some pizza and such. Obviously not in a way to over-do it. I may also have to make a slight variation on a Monday night too. Might have to result to clear alcohol...

I've been reviewing more about the rejection and inclusion and there is a lot of it in my past. My earliest memories have revealed that. This is hard. I thought I got through this, these daddy issues. Still working with my therapist. I'll probably write more about this later. I haven't felt the urge to type out some of my other experiences.

I didn't get the distribution job I wanted. I need to keep looking, but that whole rejection thing... then I need to paint, then there's that whole procrastination thing.
lindorm: (Default)
I haven't heard back regarding the interview. I guess no news is good news as that still leaves that possibility open. I'll start submitting my resume again this Monday after my therapy session.

This week was somewhat productive. I've got some more commission to work on. Lots more. I plan to do some work today. We haven't made any plans for this weekend which is OK by me. In the past our weekend were way too busy to really enjoy one another. Lately we've gotten to have weekends where it's more relaxed and it's been really good for I think.

I've got a couple of games I'm going to run. One I'm going to offer to run weekly, my Masquerade game based in Toronto. I've got some work to do, but before I put too much effort into it, I want my troupe to make their characters. I've been reading the 5th edition rule book and... wow. The nostalgia is so much fun and the new system is intriguing. I'm excited to explore the traditional world of darkness again. The Vampire book came out... I just wonder if they might do the werewolves as well? I'm sure I could look it up, but story-line tells me probably not. I'll do more reading in the masquerade book and see what it tells me. Either way, my players will need to be aware of two active packs or possibly something larger, within the GTA.

The second game is a monthly dungeons and dragons game that I'm running for 2 families. Mine (Partner, daughter, and we're going to give our son a chance. A friend and his two sons) Should be a lot of fun. We're meeting next week for pizza and making characters and boardgames/socializing. Should be a good experience to build part of the world with them. Collaborative story telling and all.

I've been feeling blah in some ways. Mainly towards being social outside of my home. I'm kind of tired of being the one that does the majority of the reaching out. I think it's possible for someone who was once an extroverts kind of needs to do a whole period of chrysalis like introversion, to evolve, identify and work on the negative aspects to emerge to be something more.... I feel like this is almost a seasonal pattern with the longer vs shorter days. I dunno.

Some news

Mar. 20th, 2019 09:36 pm
lindorm: (Default)
I've thought more about the rejection thing. I think that's also part of the anxiety of looking for work. I mean, I'm at a point where I can be a little selective on what I'm looking for. So if I find a posting I like and I'm able to get an interview, I get excited.

I didn't get the security position. That's a bummer, but the manager said she would like to keep my resume on file. I told her that would be fine.

Today I had an interview with a company in the gaming industry. I got to meet with the president of the company and another individual who seems to be really good people. The position is a warehouse one. They might feel that I'm overqualified. Hell, I might have oversold myself. I had them laughing and enjoying my little anecdotal answers to their questions. I kept it brutally honest, while using a little discretion. For example, I have personal grievances with others in the gaming industry. I didn't air any of that. No one likes to listen to someone talk bad about another. However, while I joking admitted that honesty was my biggest flaw, I was asked a question about what I knew of the company. I wasn't about to reiterate everything we've already covered. But I told them the truth, they don't have a good rep with some of the companies I'm familiar with. I don't know if that changed Ross' idea of me or what, but I know it was note he had made. I explained further that the word of mouth was that their company was not able to provide what their clients want, when they want it. (i.e. back order, unfulfilled or incorrect orders) I was also asked 2 very strange questions:

1. If a manager leaves sensitive/confidential information on their desk and another employee happens to come across it and read it, who is more at fault? I told him that I felt the associate/other employee would be at fault. The manager's desk is where these kinds of things are handled and I feel associates shouldn't be snooping. But now in retrospect, I think more on the question, I feel like there's not enough information. There's so many details missing.

2. If a manager tells you to lie to a client about a time sensitive delivery, what do you do? I told him that honesty and integrity are important to me, and I wouldn't feel right lying to the client. I'd ask the manager if we could come up with another solution.

I've never been asked these questions before. I think they're quite brilliant. Makes me think of a story of a man who salted his soup before tasting it.

I'm all anxious now. Did I fuck that up?! I feel like I want to write an email to the guy.

Anyways, rejection. I fear it. It makes me anxious. Looking for work means I risk facing rejection. Rejection means failure.

Today was good with the interview, I saw a client for his commission. Saw some old co-workers I hadn't seen in a while. I didn't eat until dinner. And even then it wasn't as much as I usually do. I'm going to look more into intermittent fasting. I think this is something I can do. However, this evening ended up kind of being balls. My partner went out, which is fine. I had plans. But I was stood up. I wonder...

Anyways, here I am all concerned if I got the job or not.

Rejection

Mar. 18th, 2019 12:28 pm
lindorm: (Default)
I've postponed doing this entry for about a week now. Which means I haven't been doing my routine. I have my excuses; my computer wasn't hooked up and my kid was home from school for March break. Both very week excuses and I know it. As I can just have easily hooked up the monitor and PC again anytime I wanted to and my partner was home and largely looked after our son. For that I'm very grateful to her. I don't know if I could have managed by myself this past week. I've been mostly OK. Nothing pulling me down, well, that's not true.

Last week I had a therapy session and I brought up my day I had after my anxiety over the feeling of rejection. We talked more about it and she suggested that this was something she feels that I need to explore. I brought up a few memories of the some the more memorable moments, off the top of my head and apparently my face went red, my speech pattern quickened, and my voice got louder.

I'm been thinking a lot about this particular topic. Some hard memories have resurfaced and some realizations. It's those rejections that sent me to seek love on the web. Honestly, I couldn't seem to find a romantic partner unless I met them on-line. It makes me wonder what it was that made me such an undesirable partner? I don't know. I mean, I know I was overweight, but they never seemed to really be the issue. I was socially awkward I guess. I tried too hard at times to fit in.

I tried to fit in with the art kids, the band kids, the jocks (ha!), and the freaks/weirdos, and geeks/nerds. I was more at home with the last two groups.

Rejection came often. I never got to go to any formal dances. No one I asked ever said yes. I would go to the roller-rink on the Friday nights, hoping I might meet a girl from another school so that whatever reputation I had didn't follow me. I was a weird and awkward kid at times. I was certainly the black sheep in my family. My great uncle even objected to having me over for my cousin's birthday because I was weird.

I found acceptance among the gamers. Where were our focus was to enjoy pretending being someone or something else in another world, with powers and secrets, and whatever it was we wanted to role-play. We had our escape. It was like our drug, only no real drugs.

I spent weekends at friend's houses, and weeks away during the summer once my brothers were old enough to look after themselves. I never wanted to be home. I love my parents now and could maybe live with them a week or two and then all hell would probably break loose. We do so much better with me not living under their roof. There were a couple of spots that were the common hang outs and one happened to be right behind my house. I literally had to hop my fence to their place and mine. It was really convenient and as long as you were respectful of the noise level and hour, people would come and go as they please.

There was this one time the friend that lived there went away for the week, but Daddoo, he liked having us around. We played D&D and listened to his war stories (Vietnam vet). I went into my friend's room to watch a movie (VHS at the time) He had a movie already in the player and I took it out and saw it was a porn. He didn't have a case anywhere that I could see and I wouldn't want anyone to make a deal or it apparent. Just wasn't proper. I put the video on his shelf. During this same time, I had given a friend of mine some cash to hold on to so that I didn't spend it that night (food and snacks are a thing for gamers) I wanted it for the next day. When I got up in the morning I came to get my money but my friend was asleep. I didn't want to wake him, so I went into his wallet and took my money, and only my money out, and then left for the trip to the gaming store three cities away.

When I returned and tried to come over to my friend's house, I was denied entry. I was told I wasn't welcome there and that I was a thief. I was floored. What had I stolen?! Money from my friend I was told, and the video. I asked why they thought I stole money from our friend, this was the reply, "I saw you go into his room, and leave while he was sleeping. When he woke up and came out and asked me specifically who came in and out of his room, that there was some money missing. I told him it was you and he nodded." I explained and when he investigated further it was literally just a miscommunication and interpreted the wrong way. They conceded on that but said I was still guilty of taking the VHS. I told them I put it on the shelf, but they verified it wasn't there. They even let me in to show them and it was gone. I looked around and behind and it was gone. I was the last one to see it and touch it. So I went home. I was heart broken. I was ostracized by my friends for something I didn't even do.

A few days later the movie showed back up. Another friend who had been absent for the drama said he took the movie with him, borrowed it without asking. Where did he find it? On the bookshelf. I was absolved and most of my accusers apologized.

So reliving that experience hasn't been fun. There are other incidents where rejection just seems like it's a recurring theme. I have many more stories of rejection. And then when you think about the synonyms for rejection; exclusion and dismissal. It opens up more. When I was in little league, I was 2 lbs overweight. They had a weight limit of 140 lbs and I was 142 lbs. So I couldn't play with my team, which made them treat me differently and bully me.

I was bullied. I've been sexually harassed by older girls. I've been used. I've been humiliated and even abandoned. Excluded, rejected, dismissed and more. These moments all being revisited hasn't been the easiest thing to do. I had no real discipline growing up. Or rather it wouldn't take.

If I think on it, the first time I remember feeling rejection was a memory of when I was expecting my father to pick me up for his bi-weekly visit and he never showed. I hadn't seen him in at least two weeks and I was so excited and I was packed, waiting by the door, watching for his car to come up the street. But he had other plans that weekend, or was possibly in jail, or couch surfing/homeless at the time and didn't have anywhere for my brothers and I to sleep. There were several times I tried to 'go live with dad' because I thought the rules would be more relaxed or whatever my young dumb brain thought at the time. But he never really wanted me. Hell, I believe my mother told me he had asked her to have an abortion when she found out she was pregnant with me.

So apparently rejection is a thing that's been very present in my life. This took a lot longer to write than I intended. But there it is. I have daddy issues and a complex about being rejected.

Maybe that's why I haven't pushed my game again, as I've been rejected three times now. I'm currently excluded from local events due to an arbitrary ban at a store. The owner refuses to give me a reason and doesn't want an olive branch.

There's so much more work to do.
lindorm: (Default)
Last night was a good night. We had some friends over and we played a game of Firefly. We actually finished it!

My partner and I have worked together through our issues and I feel like we're okay. She needed more reassurance than I think I did.

Today I know that I have a model to finish for a single model commission due tonight. That and my Mandarin lessons are the main two tasks I'm giving myself. I'll likely get other things done. For example, I want to put some work into a dungeons and dragons game that I'm putting together. My partner, my daughter, a friend and his two sons will be playing. I'm actually looking forward to creating this adventure.

It's a homegrown worlds with my own pantheon. There are nodes to Tolkien and Robert E. Howard with some of the names I use for the cities and such. I've an over-all intrinsic plot that can go slow or quickly depending on what the players do.

I've got some great places to explore in mind. I really do hope the players will enjoy it. We should do a once a month game, where I'll do a write up to read before the game to catch them back up. Kind of like a 'Previously on'... Once a month is kind of low, but I think it's manageable with how busy life can be.

I'm really hoping the players will make memorable characters that will grow with the game. The idea is they will all start at level 1. By the time they make it to the big trade city they should be level 3 and this will be their opportunity to keep the character they are playing or if they aren't happy they can switch it up.

Today will be a good day.
lindorm: (Default)
So a few days ago I was falling and yesterday am, things felt blah and dark. I shut everything out. My partner, my best-friend. I don't know what was wrong with me, but I don't like that place.

My partner made dinner last night and I may have had an under-cooked piece of chicken, as everyone else's portion was smaller. Almost immediately after dinner I felt gross and then these cramps. It was not a fun ride last night. I was up every hour or two back and forth to the bathroom and trying to drink water. I was all but incapacitate this morning. If I stood up and took a few steps I would be making a b line for the bathroom. My partner is such an amazing woman. She stepped up and took on my slack, and for that I am grateful. Around 2pm things felt right. Like everything. Physically and mentally. I told myself I wanted to fight through it, I didn't want to stay in that darkness and I forced myself to do things that I didn't think I had it in me to do. Be social and helpful, call back for an interview, even chose a friend to talk to... and I pushed through. Am I crazy to think all that negativity actually manifested itself as this sickness, and I was able to metabolize it in a manner I was more equipped to deal with? Something to ask the therapist for sure.

My partner, my lovely wife. I know she worries and I know she loves so much. To her I am sorry for making her worry or think it was something more than me just dealing with some negative inner turmoil. It's hard to explain to some how I'm feeling or to put it into words... but I think now I have an idea.

I have trouble sleeping and focusing as I find myself going through inner dialogue. Past conversations that ended badly and what I could have said, or done differently for a more beneficial outcome. I know looking to the past isn't healthy, but I wonder if that's just part of processing and learning from our mistakes. I think we do need to take sometime to examine and even re-examine those moments where we do the things that hurt us and those around us. This way I am more aware and can be more aware of my actions and words. Like anyone I want to learn from my mistakes.

I have faults. Fuck... I have fissures. Baggage, nah, I have a moving van. I've come this far, why give up now? I've gotten through some dark times, and maybe that's what I'm so afraid of. I'm so afraid of falling back into that pit of despair and just wrapping myself in the chains of pain that bind us to that rock.

I want to be better for me, for my family and friends. I know others have it so much worse. When I look back I feel disappointed in myself. How did I let me get there? How can I make sure that I don't go back?
lindorm: (Default)
I'm trying to feel better today. I want to feel better, but my mind and heart aren't letting me.

I've tried reconnecting with my spirituality... nothing. I feel lost and completely alone. I'm surrounded by friends, family, and my very supportive and caring partner, but I feel utterly alone.

What do I do? How do I get better? How do I fix this? I hate these feelings and these emotions. I'm not me.

Nothing I do seems to matter. I am scared. I was doing so well...
lindorm: (Default)
We had guests last night and it was a good visit. No business was discussed and we focused on us and family. It was a good dinner.

Yesterday was OK for the most part. Got a few things done and cleaned up the table/living space so that we were ready to receive guests.

I want to be more productive today, but I have to be honest. I feel completely numb and lost right now. It's over the stupidest thing. I was hoping to be intimate with my partner last night but she rejected me and I left her alone and went to bed. I don't think she realizes how her tone can matter so much. I have lost any shred of confidence I had left and my self-esteem is shot. I don't know what to do. I don't want to talk about it because of the emotions it brings up. When I'm in this mindset, all I want to do is sleep so that I can escape this world, escape this life. Sleeping is like dying but no one gets hurt, right?

I'm a financial burden, I'm overweight and a slob as I feel I have no reason to care about my appearance, and I'm feeling ultimately useless. I cannot bring happiness to my partner what makes me worthy of happiness? I feel more often than I let on that she and my kid(s) would be better off with someone else who can provide for them the security and support they need.

I don't love myself. I guess the upswing is over and it's time to brace for the fall.
lindorm: (Default)
I'm trying to process some things. There is a restaurant in a city North of me that I enjoyed visiting, I like the people, the food, and the atmosphere. Unfortunately for me that restaurant has entered into a business arrangement with someone I do not trust, like, and will not support. The individual took something from me, shamelessly. They have also partnered with my ex-partners so there's times when I cannot help but feel like the industry I love is becoming hostile towards me. However, I know that I have my part to play in all of this. I know I've said things and reacted to certain things unfavorably. I've since apologized to the people I once cared about, but they could admit no wrong doing.

A lot of this keeps playing on my mind as of late. Where do I stand? Well, there's a local gaming store and geek pub that I can easily make my homes for my gaming desire. I currently do two nights a month for a place in Hamilton. But I might change that to doing 2-4 nights a month at the local place. That ways it's not so far of a drive. That and I've talked with another friend about doing demonstrations about the games we love to help generate more interest and more players.

I enjoy gaming. Even if it's a competitive game and I don't win, I enjoy it. I have made some good friends in the gaming community. I enjoy being included. Focusing on Ullr's Table is my focus when it comes to business prospects.

Speaking of, we're getting a phone, a landline. Well, technically it's VOIP but still, I'll have a number to use for my business and to put on my business cards and resume that's other than my wife's cell. Once that's done, the next step is to start working on the website.

I've realized that I've set myself up for some failure for trying to take on so much at once. Learning languages, trying to build a routine around certain things, like making entries in this journal. I'm scaling back to learning Mandarin. While Welsh is an interest and is tied to some spiritual cornerstones, it will wait as I'm further in Mandarin and want to see how far I can go. It's also more likely to find use than Welsh if I'm being honest.

After working that one evening as a chicken catcher it reminded me how much I dislike working for other people. I intend to build myself a schedule, after today for sure, where after I get Asher to school, the time I'm allowed for self care ends by 11am. This also means that I need to make sure any errands that need to be done get done. This means from 11am - 3pm I'm painting or making progress on commissions. This way I up my production and therefore my cashflow, which will help to take some pressure off of my partner.

I'm still going to look for a part-time or full-time position that I can stand doing. I just want to make sure I'm doing what I can to support my family.
lindorm: (Default)
Well, I got that job and tried it for the one night. Chicken catching is not for me. It is hard, filthy, smelly work and while the money would have been good, the work environment wasn't something I was prepared to stomach.

I haven't done my language lessons and my routine has all but been completely destroyed. It's my fault. I think I've tried to take on too many changes at once. I can try again next week, just have this commission to finish which I intend to finish today/tonight.

Doing the work the one night has put some things back into perspective. If I can stay disciplined and get this stuff done, I can make money. I've got to be more productive with my time!

I was once on the development team for a card game. I left the team because I was focused on my own projects and drama I had going on at the time. I've asked the creator and CEO if I could come back and we've mentioned having a discussion, but he's done very little on his end to help make that happen. So I'm not certain that they want me back. That's OK. It means I can focus on other aspects.

I have my own card game that's been shelved yet again. It's not a collectible game. Just a fun party game that I am hoping to publish. Maybe I re-pitch it to Smirk & Dagger. He challenged me to come up with a specific mechanic, which I did. Maybe he'll want to see it again.

Some changes are happening in the local gaming seen. Some people that I don't get along with are getting traction and expansion that I can't help but feel a little jealous about. If things didn't go the way they did, that could have been me. Did I sabotage myself? Did I fabricate what I perceived to be manipulations and lies? I don't think that I did. I did catch them in lies and things have been taken from me. I just no longer wanted to be their puppet and dance when they pulled on the strings.

I should get to painting.
lindorm: (Default)
I received a phone interview today and I feel it went really well. I've moved on to the next step in the interview process. Here's hoping it leads to something. It's not a glorious position, a driver and chicken catcher, but the compensation sounds like it's quite agreeable to my goals.

I had an appointment with my therapists this morning. She kept asking about how I'm feeling, and really I'm not sure how I'm feeling. Maybe number because working for other people I typically prepare to detach from myself. My body can work but my mind doesn't like to be a prisoner to the work I'm doing. Which is why certain jobs just won't work for me. This opportunity listed above feels like it is something I can do and possibly even enjoy for a time. It should help us get caught up and ahead. Hell, if I am enjoying it, I may stay on longer than I have intended, because I know my love wants a house and this opportunity might give us the opportunity to save just for that.

Fortunately my friend has come back. We've made peace and all is well.
lindorm: (Default)
 Friday wasn't a good day.  I was in a bad mood.  Then plans I had with my friend gets canceled.  This really bummed me out as I was hoping to get a practice game in before the tournament I entered yesterday.  It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't the firs time he's let me down.  I felt then was a good time to complain about my perceived short-comings and I'm concerned that this has pushed him away.  Why do I do that?  Because I can't keep it bottled up and let it build.  Frustration after frustration.  I know he's young, 10 years my junior.  If he feels I overstepped or was out of line, he needs to tell me, but since he's started dating, which went serious very quickly, I've seen a lot less of him and he's not been nearly as dependable.  I have the idea that when you make plans with someone it's a social contract. If you keep breaking those contracts aren't you allowed to feel bad about it?  I figured being upfront and honest was the best policy in friendship.  Isn't it?

I didn't do well at the tournament.  I came in 9th out of 12 players.  Not last, but no where in the top half.  I need to practice more before the next tournament. Here's to hoping I can find some games between now at the first weekend of April. 


I'm currently looking for full-time work.  While I enjoy being self-employed I don't think I have the discipline to do what needs to be done to make this lucrative enough to continue without something to help us out financially.  So I'm going to move my painting to part-time and go back to work for a bit.  Maybe working for someone again will give me the drive to learn that discipline and why I don't want to work for anyone while giving us an opportunity to catch up on some bills and replenish our savings. 

 

I've been without my medication since Friday.  Well, one of them.  It happens to be the one that helps me stay motivated.  I've also not had cannabis since Tuesday.  It's been different. Not necessarily harder.  Do I need it?  Or do I just want it because of how it makes me feel?  Either way, taking the break is good for a few reasons. Primarily cost but it also means my tolerance should start to fall and the next time I have a little it should be effective.  I've learned that I am/was a heavy smoker of cannabis.  Requiring more than most moderate smokers to get off.  So the break should be good for me.

 

 

lindorm: (Default)
 Today started off fairly surreal.  Not sure what sort of mood I'm in, I just know I've got some things to do and I need to get them done.

I was getting my son ready for school today.  It seems that yesterday he foolishly left his gloves and mitts at school.  If we were driving today that wouldn't be a big deal, but I had intended to walk so my partner took the car instead of me dropping her off.  We started to leave without these things but the walk-ways are quite treacherous this morning.  I for one cannot risk a fall so I made the decision to keep him home today.  

He asked me if he could watch me play 'the Dragon game'.  This is Neverwinter, which I haven't played in quite some time.  Likely the guild I was part of has dropped me which means my character will have fallen behind... but that doesn't matter. The game was a distraction and wasn't really productive.  The journal entries are kind of a replacement for that.   

I did tell him that I wanted him to watch a movie with me today.  I'm going to trying and get him to watch 'The Hobbit' with me as I think he might enjoy it. He's expressed interest in Dungeons and Dragons and I think this might help.

Today I've already tackled the majority of the dishes.  There's a bit more but I have a class tonight and I need to put some work in on the current commission so that I can start on the next project.  So there's getting ready for that that I need to do.  I really hope there's a few students at least.  I still have to meet two other people so I need to go regardless.  One is a new client.  So that's exciting. 

Here's hoping that today goes smoothly.  Usually when my son stays home my production is halted, but I think today might be different. 

lindorm: (Default)
My old journal, which really hasn't been around long is here: https://lindormrune.livejournal.com

Long and the short, I'm coming to blogging or writing a journal as I feel it helps to create a part of a routine that I'm trying to create for myself. You see, last year and for years before, I've been stuck in a deep and fairly destructive depression. Last year a lot of things happened and I reached a point that I was able to crawl out of the hole and now I'm doing what I can to stay out of it.

My intention is to do a daily blog on weekdays. I'll do an entry on the weekend if mood and circumstance warrants it, but this is meant to be a tool to help me stay on task and be productive with my days. Creating lists, processing happenings, reviewing challenges and developing my strategies to overcome those challenges.

One of my daily goals, other than remembering my medication, is to do my language lesson. At this time I'm learning Mandarin and Welsh. I'm finding learning the languages fun and I feel like I'm getting it. I've always had an interest in learning a language but only recently finally took the steps to do something about it. I have a good memory for song and story, so as a practicing Bard, learning a few languages should be within the realm of possibility. I think after these two (personal interest) I will learn Italian with my wife, as she has Italian heritage and then if that goes well, maybe I can move on to another! Ambitious? Maybe. However, studying languages is learning and as long as I'm learning it seems to keep me from having a certain recurring dream. So learning is what I will do! (In the past I've obtained my certificate in Death Studies, completed the Bardic grade of the Order of Bards, Ovates, and Druids curriculum, and attended an Entrepreneur course which I used to launch my own business)

A new friend recommended that I come over to this platform as LiveJournal's LGBTQ+ stance isn't in line with my own ideas and beliefs. I think I'll like it better here.

Here's hoping that I'm able to keep up with my journal. Encouragement and comments are always welcome.
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